The Journey's End
by integirldomain
Summary: This is my take on the ending of Spice and Wolf. It contains a few minor-ish spoilers from book 16. Rating may go up to M later.
1. Part I

Lawrence couldn't be happier to have Holo at his side after everything they'd been through. He loved her, and knew she loved him in return but still wasn't sure when, if ever, she'd accept him. No, he told himself, she was just holding back that kiss to spite him for running off to the the forge that afternoon. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and knew he'd have to state it explicitly at some point. Just like Holo had to spell out that she loved him, he'd have to tell her how much deeper his feelings grew, even if he knew she already knew.

In the days that followed celebrations were had throughout the town, and one night before heading out to one of them, Lawrence still injured and in bed, spoke to Holo.

"Holo," he softly looked at her and smiled, "finding you in my wagon was the best thing that ever happened to me."

She sat on the bed next to him, "Have you had too many already? You state the obvious." Her tail wagged as she smiled. But her facial expression changed when she saw how serious he was despite his blushing.

"I didn't know how to enjoy life or my money before I met you..." as he spoke, he looked directly into her eyes, "I never realized how lonely I was until one day I wasn't alone anymore. I know you know what that feels like and I don't want you to ever feel lonely again. You're the only one I want to travel with."

She was taken by surprise at this. He was struggling to maintain his composure but it was so rare for him to ever be this direct. Then he took her hands in his.

"I know my lifespan is mere seconds in your eyes, but I'll gladly devote all that's left of it to you," then with one hand he reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and placed it in her hand, "If you'll let me."

She gave him a puzzled look. Then he explained,

"It's customary for a man to give a ring to the woman he'd like to marry, so she'll have something to sell if he runs off. I figured I could do one better," he placed her other hand on his wallet.

"You..." he wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or angry right now, "Were you a proper male you would not-"

"find this acceptable?" he finished her sentence as he cut her off, "No," he smiled and reached into his pocket again, "I figured you'd like something prettier than that, even if what you hold is the best insurance a merchant could ever give anyone." He opened his hand and revealed a small gold ring. "I had it cast yesterday." He held her hands again, "Holo, will you-"

She was fighting back tears, "Fool, why must you be so soft-hearted?"

"marry me?"

Now she wasn't fighting the tears back anymore, and looked away, "I do not know..."

His heart sank, she had said she accepted their difference in life spans. She knew she would outlive him and had accepted that. Had he really not done enough to prove himself? Then Holo spoke again,

"I do not know if I can conceive." She fell into his arms, "That bird had no children in her marriage, that half bear had no siblings. He was not able to have children of his own with his wife. We may never have children, and even if we are so lucky to have one we will never be grandparents," she shook as she cried, "I know you also want children-"

Lawrence held her tightly, and wore a sad smile and he told her, "It will be fine," he stroked the back of her head, "having you is all I need to be happy, children or no children." It was true, he wanted children, perhaps almost as badly as she did, but not at the expense of having them with anyone else. If Holo was all he could have, he'd be more than happy.

She pulled away and looked back at him, he was smiling now,

"Besides, we can always adopt Cole or a foundling that's to our liking if we absolutely must."

"Why... must you be so good natured?"

"Even if that's not to your liking and I can't give you any children, I promise to haunt you once I've passed. I won't let you be lonely again," he said that jokingly, but she knew he really meant it, "Please marry me Holo."

Her tears stopped "... Aye," she was smiling now too. She gave him her hand and he slid the ring on her finger.

"Does it fit well?"

She played with it a little as she responded, "perfectly."

He held her once more and kissed her forehead.

"I intend to hold you to that promise, you know," she poked his chest, "the one about you haunting me."

He nervously smiled. Yes, he would gladly do so if he was capable, but he wasn't even sure of that. Just how was she supposed to hold him to it if he were dead? She answered before he could even ask.

"Else I shall blindly squander your estate as soon as you have gone!" she laughed as her tail happily swished back and forth. He laughed kissed her on the forehead again.

"I love you Holo,"

"And I you,"

Her face moved closer to his, their eyes closed, and their lips finally met.

* * *

A/N: That's it for the first part. I apologize if it was horribly cheesy and cliche. Feel free to be brutally honest in any reviews. More is coming, I'm not sure how much more, and I'm not sure if the rating will get bumped up to M or not. But there will be at least 1 or 2 more chapters.


	2. Part II

"I'll still take you to Yoitsu, I gave you my word." Lawrence reassured her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to go anymore. In fact it seemed more and more like she didn't want to go.

"Would it not be more profitable to travel elsewhere?" She'd been making excuses for a while now, and he reluctantly played along with them.

"Since when do you care about travel being profitable?"

"The quality of my meals depends on fatness of your wallet, does it not?"

Lawrence sighed, "You know you could make our meals a lot cheaper if you used your other form once in a while"

"And leave the sheep I am stalking now for another?"

He put his face in his hand as he smiled.

"That fishmonger never complained about spending his money on me you know."

"I thought he angered even you." Lawrence wasn't smiling anymore.

"I had to say something to cheer you up then, lest you lose all confidence in yourself," she smiled, "Did I ever mention how adorable you look with that expression on your face?"

He facepalmed once more, "Yes."

Her tail swished back and forth happily, "But you must remember, I chose you."

"Just as I chose you over-" he felt a hard punch in his side before he could continue, "...you know there was no comparison!"

She was glaring at him.

Oh come on, she knew he was too far gone for her by then to even consider anyone else. He raised his hands up in surrender, "The invisible hand may hold the reins of the market, but only you hold mine."

"And firmly at that." She gripped his hand tightly before letting go.

This was going nowhere. Every time he tried to bring up Yoistu she managed to divert the topic somehow. He couldn't let that happen this time. "Why do you have to change the subject every time I bring up Yoitsu?"

"There is nothing left for me there. It is not your concern anymore."

"I made you a promise. I never go back on my word."

"Fool, I have changed my mind and decided to free you of that burden."

"Have you really?"

"I know what we will find... rather I should say, who and what we will not find."

"How can you know if you never go there?"

"I do not want to see because I know."

"Weren't you the one who told me it was foolish to miss out on opportunities because of fear?"

"There is no fear, I simply do not want to go back anymore." He knew she was lying, both to him and to herself.

"I can't believe that." He was completely serious.

"..."

"Holo."

"When we arrive your contract with me shall be fulfilled."

"Only the first one," he took her hand, "If I recall correctly we made a second one not too long ago." He touched the ring she was wearing.

"Fool, that was a promise to make a contract. It has yet to actually be made."

"I almost have enough money to open my own... " he corrected himself, "our own shop soon." He went back to the subject at hand, clearly unhappy about it but concerned for Holo at the same time, "Look, if you really don't want to go back that's one thing, but I can't believe that. I can pick up on your lies too! If you need to take some time and want to go later I'd be happy to wait for you, but I won't be around forever. We've already come so close. I've gone out of my way to take you this far, I regret none of it, but do you really want to turn back now?"

"...no" she softly spoke, "I do not want to see what has become of it." she leaned against his shoulder and he put an arm around her. She really didn't want to see, but she needed to. And that need could only be put off for so long, "but if I must I would rather not be alone."

He kissed her forehead and held her for a good long while as she tightly held back.

"Did you not promise to haunt me?" She said as she loosened her grip, "I can wait as long as I wish then, can I not?" Her tail swished as she smiled at him.

He was at a loss for words.

"I am only going now for your sake. I would much rather your spirit be pleasant than cranky."

If letting her put on a front is what it took for him to take her to Yoitsu he'd let her. Lawrence couldn't help but smile to himself as he picked up the reins. They'd make it to Yoitsu within a week.

* * *

As they neared Yoitsu in the coming days holding onto the smallest bit of hope, Holo began looking for anything she might recognize. But things were more and more as she expected them to be. There were exceedingly less trees where forests once stood. It seemed like one or two mining operations had been inching their way towards the north looking for ore.

Holo said nothing to Lawrence as the wagon rolled along; she just looked ahead taking in the changed landscape as it came. Eventually, some more trees began showing up. It might have been nice seeing that not all of the forests had gone - even if they weren't as magnificent as they once were - if it were not for the realization that they were all on decline.

When they finally made it they were both relieved to see it wasn't taken over by miners. It looked quite different to her at first, but as she began to see certain things memories she forgot she had came back to her. Memories of running past a certain large rock, or memories of splashing in a river. At first she was happy to remember these things, gleefully sharing them with Lawrence, but then a sense of dread overcame her when she realized how much Yoitsu had really changed. How much needed to be done to bring it back to how it was? Was it even possible?

After they made their way into town, Holo was anxious to hear any stories the native villagers (although only a few were left) might have. The only one they could all agree on was that one day long ago a great bear came and the wisewolves fled. There were no stories beyond that. She shared what she knew of Myuri's fate with them; they hadn't even known that much. In fact, they knew nothing of how Yoitsu once was. Even the food and wine had changed over the years, and not for the better. But this place was Yoitsu to them, even if it felt nothing like Yoitsu to Holo.

* * *

Sometime before sundown they took to their room at the town's inn. Lawrence knew what would be coming from his companion.

"Nothing is how it was." She wasn't holding back her tears anymore. "They do not even -," Lawrence held her as she spoke through her tears, "they have let it come to this! These humans are incapable of preserving or respecting anything! My friends are the only ones who would remember..."

Lawrence felt himself tense up. He knew part of her still wanted to search for her friends. She didn't want to come here because she knew that spark would be ignited in her, and that it might prevent her from finally settling down for a while like she wanted to. He understood this was something she'd have to deal with eventually, but knew if he really had to go searching with her he'd have to give up on his dreams of opening a shop. He couldn't afford to take anymore time off of his trade route. But he also knew that if she needed him to go with her it'd be best to do so while he was still - almost - young. He didn't know how he'd respond to her if she asked that of he felt Holo relax and stop crying a little.

"You worry hearing of my friends has filled me with the need to chase. It does. But even I know it is foolish to chase when there is no scent to follow." She rested her head against his chest, "If that is how my trail is, I may as well wait until after I have lived my quiet life with... " she started crying again, "But even the scent of this place is changing."

"Some things are still here," he tried to cheer her up, "even if they were just simple memories I was glad to hear your stories-"

"No. They will all be gone soon. They are merely remnants of what was. I am seeing my home on it's deathbed."

Lawrence felt her trembling in his arms as she sobbed. He remained silent until he felt he had to speak, softly saying, "I'd hate to see you like this when I'm nearing my end."

She paused for quite some time before breaking away. Her tears had stopped, "...I am sorry," she said softly as she drifted back into his arms, "I have not brought destruction on you prematurely, I hope..."

Lawrence stroked her hair as he held her. It meant a lot when she actually managed to apologize. She may have taken him off course, but she set him straight. She'd probably give him more years of life than nature originally felt he was entitled to, "Quite the opposite."

Soon enough he felt her tail gently wagging again. Then she tugged on his shirt, motioning that he follow her, before she took off running.

"Holo?!" Lawrence chased after her, "Where are you going?"

She didn't reply but he managed to keep up with her as she ran through town. When she reached the forest she began throwing her clothing at Lawrence as she stripped. After disrobing she transformed, allowed Lawrence to climb on her back, and took off. She ran and she ran; periodically she'd stop and look off in some direction, then keep running. As she went deeper into the woods it felt more like seeing what the Yoitsu she knew had gracefully aged into.

When she finally stopped it was in a very old part of the forest, not yet touched. Soft moss covered the ground where they stood in front of one large oak. Even sitting atop Holo, Lawrence could not tell how high up it went. Its diameter was larger than any tree he'd ever seen. He was mystified by its size, and before he could even think about how old it might be, Holo said,

"This one was smaller in my day."

It must've been several hundred years old. At least as old as Holo was. It was hard for him to think about this; he was barely a sapling in comparison. He wanted to ask why she came here but decided against it.

"You mustn't feel too terrible. This great one could cross pollinate with a sapling if it saw fit."

That didn't make him feel terrible, but it didn't make him happy either.

"I did not come here to show you another one as old as I," she let him off, transformed, took her clothing back from him, and dressed herself. Then she began looking at the ground and picking up acorns as she saw them; tossing away ones that bugs had gotten into and handing ones she deemed suitable to Lawrence. He understood now. She couldn't save the forest but she could take a piece of it with her while it was still here. Seeing its coming death at the hands of others was probably more painful for her than seeing it completely destroyed. But at least this way she was able to see that a few memories of hers were still alive before accepting that they'd be gone one day, and that nothing could be done to stop it. All of Yoitsu would be forever changed and gone eventually. Holo knew this and could move past it but didn't need to deny that Yoitsu shaped who she was, or that it would always be a part of her, or that she brought a little of it with her wherever she went.

When she felt she had gathered enough she motioned for Lawrence to leave with her, but he stopped her with an embrace, "Aren't you sore from all that running?"

Indeed she was. It would be foolish for her to run back now.

"Want to set up camp here?"

"Aye," she reluctantly said; she wanted to run away from this place. The sooner she left the sooner she could finally put it behind her. Her muscle aches really began to kick in after they set up camp and a fire. "I'll have you put those hands to use." She laid down expecting a massage.

"Of course," Lawrence got down and complied. Hearing her sighs of relief made him question her intentions. He began moving his hands lower-

"I needn't remind you not to touch my tail." She swished it in his face.

He felt himself blush, "Will that privilege be included in our second contract?"

**"Fool."**

* * *

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Sorry it took so long for me to finally write more, and yes more is still coming.

I don't know if this counts as a spoiler, but in this story I want to address everything the novels did not (that I wish they had). I don't think anything I write can really do Holo and Lawrence justice (and fix how terrible v17 was) but I'm writing this anyway. I'd appreciate any feedback.


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